The Happiness Struggle: Keeping Negative People Out

11:33

For the past few weeks I have been sharing a series with you called "The Happiness Struggle", after this post I am going to take a small break from this series to focus on other posts but I did want to share one more before I did this. For my post today I wanted to share the need and right to keep negative people out of our lives and how many if not most of us are guilt tripped into doing the opposite. Either by the people themselves or by our own need to not let others down, even if it costs us our own happiness. So today on Tralala Tuesday I am going to jump right into it.

I do have a reason why I wanted to specifically share this particular post. A few days ago I was contacted by someone whom I have not had any communication with and whom the last time I spoke with it did not go too well. Hearing from this person, even though it was only for a couple of moments stressed me out for the next couple of days because of the memory of how negatively they had effected my life the years before had come crashing back. I am not the first person to have this blast from the past and as well I am for sure not the last. Negative relationships are not limited to significant others, it extends into any relationship you have including family, friends, co-workers, managers to name a few. 

We are taught from a young age to be nice to everyone even if they are not so nice to us but can this really apply?

The fact is that everyone has had at least one negative person in their lives who was like poison. Most people tolerate this person because of history or guilt. I am going to blunt and say I have been this person. I have come far enough that I can recognize that now and own up to it but most people who have taken this role cannot see it...or do not care to see it. In a way you cannot save them from their negativity, they can only save themselves but...you can save yourself from it. A negative person can bring you down to their level and beat you with their attitude. Negative people are skilled in being able to be kept around because they are as well skilled at making others feel sorry for them. They can dig their claws into you and seemingly never let go to the point where it begins to effect your own happiness. Guilt, frustration and worry can become your main emotions trumping happiness, calm and freedom.

Like I said, I have been that negative person.

Sure I still have rough days, I am only human, but I can recognize it now and have the skills to "beat it".

There is a difference between someone "having a rough time" and sometime who is "negative".

I am not saying step away from the people who genuinely need help, who are clearly trying to improve and are working their hardest to do so. Stick with those people. They are strong, brave and worth keeping.
I am talking about the negative whiners, the ones who do not try to fix their problem instead they place it on other people. The ones who suck the fun out of a room.

The reality is many people cannot see their happiness is worth as much as anyone else.
So they give up their happiness to please the negative.
Breeding more negative unhappy people.
Which...is really not what we are going for here.

It is hard to disconnect from a negative person, especially if they are family or a very close friend but as hard as it can be often it is needed and can in a sense "free you". In the past I have ended many relationships and can say as hard as it was at the time it was worth it. Since then I have accomplished more in one year then I ever had in five. In a way it lets you spread your wings and fly. If you have a person you feel is negative to the point where it is effecting your own life, step back and take a look at the situation and decide.Try talking to them and sharing how you feel. I find that if you do this and they completely disregard how you feel and make it about them right away...it is a pretty tell tale sign as to how the rest of the relationship will be.

You are meant to be as happy as anyone else is.

No one's negativity should validate limiting your own happiness.

Happiness > Negative people.



xoxo Nicola

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1 comments

  1. I totally understand this. I've been going through a rough period in my life and struggling with some depression, and I try so very hard to not let my own worries bring everyone else down. There's most definitely a difference between negative people and people who are simply having a hard time!

    Also, I just wanted to let you know I've been enjoying your blog, and I've nominated you for the Sunshine Award. If you choose to accept and want more info on what is entailed, see here:

    http://theartofmakingart.wordpress.com/2014/02/21/sunshine-award/

    Keep up the great writing! :)

    ReplyDelete

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thelovelytwentysomethings.com is owned and run by Nicola Mora