It has been awhile since I have written a post about positive thinking and attitude, heck it has been awhile since I have posted anything at all, but today I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences on self-doubt.

Self doubt is something I think many, if not most of us, can relate to.

For the past few weeks this is something I have been struggling to work through, as a person and an artist. Self-doubt is something I have always had creeping in the back of my mind since I was really young, instilled in me through being bullied in school and ignored by certain teachers among other past experiences. I never really let myself reach my full potential in school, in film or in theatre because of the fear and self-doubt that was there. I even remember a teacher telling me that "I am scared of being good at what I do" when I was struggling in an acting class while attending film school and he was not wrong. Over the years I was able to work through that doubt and understand that it was a lie and not at all the truth, just a manifestation of my own worries and things I was told in the past.

But now it is back and it is a struggle all over again.

I was warned before going into art school and majoring in it that I would hit a point where I would doubt the things that I make and my skills as an artist and that it would eventually seeped into how I see myself as a person. They were not lying. I guess this is why I am on and off again when it comes to my blog, it has even started to effect how I view it and I wanted to write about it because I know other people will be able to relate. Since starting my studies at University and being totally immersed in art and creating art non-stop a weird thing started to happen: I noticed the progress I was making, great progress and development, but then I started to also notice other people's progress and started to feel like I may be progressing...but not fast enough. Then my anxiety about that started to effect other things in my life; how I saw myself physically and where I was in life.

I had made peace with the fact that I am a twenty-seven year old university student, and I had made peace with the money I was no longer making and the little time I had for a social life and "adult" life but that all started to fall apart. More often then not where I was in life started to bother me and I  began questions all the choices I had made in the past couple of years...all because I started to question and doubt my own creative abilities as an artist. It started to creep into turning my future plans into things I doubted, plans and goals I have been working towards for the past few months or even year where turning into things I couldn't hope to have happen all because I was doubting myself.

We always hear that we should never compare ourselves to other people and I am firm believer in that, but it is a struggle not to compare your own work and accomplishments to the work of fellow artists and even just the accomplishments of others your age compared to yourself. Of course in the end that is a stupid thing to do and I am completely aware of that but that is the beauty of being human: knowing something but still doing it. I keep having to remind myself that I am working and progressing at my own pace and cannot just skip 10 steps and get to my end goal.

But the self doubt is there, even as I am writing this post. It is in the back of my mind when I think of the several art pieces I have due over the next few weeks and the commissions I need to finish.

Self doubt can occur in anything that you do; work, relationships, hobbies, goals, dreams, family, and living situation. Basically it can appear and revolve around anything and then slowly butterfly effect into other facites of your life. I think the most important thing you can do when this starts to happen is acknowledge that self-doubt and realize that it is not real.

It is not a real representation of your work, abilities, capabilities and the future. It is something that is there and you can either let it consume you or you can work past it and in a sense prove that the self doubt wrong. Currently I am working on achieving the later choice and it is a struggle I am not going to lie. I know many blogs and people would want to sugar coat it, they would declare that all you have to do it "love yourself" and "believe in yourself", as if with a simple snap of your fingers you will feel 100% better and all those doubts will disappear. Which creates a unrealistic excpectation for people which then results in people plummeting deeper into that self-doubt which could turn into self loathing all because the magic pill of positive thinking didn't work.

The thing is that is does work, but it is not a magic pill or snap of the fingers, it works over time and constantly reminding yourself that the doubt is a lie. It is there and it is annoying but it is not true. It would be amazing if overnight it could be gone, but it won't and that is ok. The best things often take time and work, the same applies to this. I am working through it and hoping to work past it because it does hinder my work and my own self development as a person and an artist...and even as a blogger.

I think it is important for people to share the things they go through, how they are dealing with it and how it is working out because it could help other people. So if any of you are dealing with self-doubt on an above average level I just want to say: you are awesome, you are capable and the doubt is a nasty liar.



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  1. great read, thanks for sharing your struggles, I think everyone deals with self doubt on a certain if not all of them. It was encouraging to be reminded that its nothing but a lie.

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